Monday, January 21, 2013

The Lonely Homeschool Mom (an update on Classical Conversations)

Lately I’ve had a few people ask me on and off the screen how Clasical Convversations is going. I figured it was high time I answer that question here at Santa Beso.

Right before the Christmas break I hit a wall. I think all moms go through this for all different reasons, but it’s still the same feeling.

I questioned everything I was doing, especially concerning homeschool. I felt completely at rest when it came to the decision to homeschool, but at the end of last semester I seriously considered pulling us out of CC and try something different to see if that would eliminate the huge knot in my stomach.

But I wrestled with that decision as well.

I know full well that the Lord gave me the peace I needed when I first signed our family up on this path. Classical Christian education seems to be what our family as a whole enjoys. While reading through some of the recommended reads for parents from CC catalogue I am completely encouraged that this is our fit.

But I my struggle seemed to be linked to the weekly meetings.

Our campus is the largest in my city and it’s full to capacity. The oldest “grade” is  Challenge A, so during recess time Joel looks a bit like a little tadpole in the ocean.

He is one of two children in his “class” that is the oldest, therefore he is the model and not mimicking other siblings. The memory work is a challenge for us because it’s all new, and not even close to how I grew up learning.

I am redeeming my education, and solidifying my children’s at the same time.

So during the review time, there’s a lot of crickets chirping and blank stares. Mostly from parents because how quiet can it really get with a room of six 4 yr olds?

The Friday before we left for Christmas break half our class was gone due to illnesses or vacations. The size of our class that Friday really made it comfortable enough for me to have a heart to heart talk with the two moms in our small class that day.

Both of them had so many encouraging things to say. One mom, who this is their second year in CC, said last year was incredibly hard for them. Everyday they had to put one foot in front of the other. But this year things were clicking with both her and her children.

My director held my hand through the time our family took to pray and discuss things during Christmas break. She wasn’t pushy or frustrated with me. She even gave me the name of another director in the area who had a smaller group incase I wanted to try a different campus next year, and when I talked to that director- it was the same thing.

Both ladies were thrilled at the decision our family made to stay where we are. Neither one was disappointed. In fact, the other director encouraged me to use this year as an opportunity for God to stretch and grow me, and reach out to others.

Jeremiah had been able to go with me to the weekly meetings last semester, and we thought it was a great idea. But during the Christmas break, we both agreed that he should stop coming with us and endeavor in some things we’ve felt the Lord leading us toward concerning our family.

I noticed how having him with me was keeping me from reaching out to others. I had let him become my comfort zone. While my kids would go out to play, I would sit in the corner and let my pride punish me.

But this past week when it was just me and the kids, I was forced to mingle and initiate conversations. I needed that, and my kids needed to see me do that as well.

I will say one of the number one reasons I was interested in CC is for the social interaction. I did not want to be “the lonely homeschool mom”. I had experienced that right after Lilly was born. When I plugged into a mom’s group, it changed everything. 

I needed a guarantee that I would find a friendly face once a week to talk to, glean from, and find encouragement. Now I feel like it’s happening.

I’m revisiting that place of peace I once had. I was so thrilled to be back into our CC groove that I even volunteered to work the PM session. Now that’s excitement!

You ever feel like the lonely stay at home mom or homeschool mom?

2 comments:

  1. I love love love this blog, and it makes me feel so special that I'm related to such a sweet, sweet woman. You are a beacon in the midst of a dreary day, darling. I say that as a woman. I say that as a mom.

    The decision to homeschool is something I wish I could afford to my children. I homeschooled my last two years of high school and absolutely loved it. I have nothing but faith that this road you are walking down will not only benefit your children, but benefit you and Jeremiah.

    I love you!!!

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    1. Oh my goodness Rochelle! You don't even know how much this comment means to me today. Just when I want to throw my hands up in the air, I read this and have the encouragement I need. YOU are an amazing person. So very amazing!! Love you so very dearly!!!

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